Sokka the 78th - [Action/Written]

[markofthewise]

[After ditching Ed in the tunnels, Sokka has had some thinking to do. He's lost Suki and now he's lost Edward. His relationship with other people has seemed strained too. When it comes down to it, he doesn't particularly feel bad about this, but he is worried about ending up alone. Being alone is bad. But then, so is the life he had before. Well, if the journals are good for one thing, it's for sorting out dilemmas without giving yourself away. So he heads to the journal, disguises his handwriting, and asks:]

[Written (Disguised)]

If you were changed in a way that made you happier, but pushed other people away, would it be worth staying that way? I mean, it's not worth it to make yourself miserable just for the sake of other people, right? That'd be ridiculous.

[Yeah. Totally ridiculous. That was stupid of him to even ask. He stares at the page, shakes his head, and pushes it away. Later he'll reply to it, but for now, he decides to do work instead of wallowing in pointless contemplation.

For people who might want Sokka in person, he's up to his usual routine.]

Comments

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

[You know what, he likes her. He's going to forgo this anonymity.]

It's nice to know someone around here has some sense.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

[She actually lets herself smile a bit. Clove won't let herself like him too much, let herself get too comfortable. But, it's not bad. Having someone not telling her she should be something else.]

It's how I was always taught. You look after yourself. Other people? Only if it doesn't inconvenience you.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

It's not how I was taught. But the way I was taught doesn't work. Not in this world, anyway.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

And everyone attacks you if you dare say so.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

Are we talking literally and metaphorically?

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

Metaphorically, here. It'd be easier to deal with if they'd just physically attack.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

I dunno, I think I can handle the metaphorical attacking better. I know way too many people with wacky powers.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

I don't know. It feels like I'm back at the Capitol. Smile and play nice and just wait for someone to stick a knife in your back.

I like knowing who my enemies are.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

Well at least we know the cultists are our enemies. If anything, you've gotta give them credit for honesty.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

Why I like the drafts. It makes things simpler.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

You're the one who was making a big deal about wishing the Malnosso would send us to do more stuff, right?

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

It was a bad night.

[Understatement.]

But yeah. I want to be out there. I'd prefer not coming back here. Fight after fight, I'll take it. But... that wasn't a good night.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

I've had my bad nights. Though I'm not too crazy about fighting all the time. It's all work and I don't get compensated for it.

So what happened?

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

Fighting's what I'm good at. So, for me? It's payment enough for me. And it's repaying the Malnosso for the food, shelter, that kind of thing.

As for what happened... Just. [She pauses for awhile. She doesn't talk about this kind of thing. It's... not who she is. It's weakness.] Some stuff on the draft kind of threw me. Just... reminded me. You know? Of who I am and what I need to do.

And I didn't react to it too great. So, I went off a little.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

Yeah, not gonna lie, you sounded like kind of a nut there for a second. But if you found your calling, good for you.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

Yeah, I probably did. Lost my temper, I guess.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

You know, I don't get as angry about stuff as I used to. Part of the whole change that seemed to happen to me. In fact, I don't tend to feel that strongly about anything anymore. It's nice.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

I'd like that. Being able to turn it off. I've had so many people tell me so many times that it's... completely wrong. Barbaric, one said. That I like fighting. And like killing. And that I look out for myself only.

The draft just... drove it in more. That I need to be like that or I'm going to get myself killed. Coming back here, where there isn't anything acceptable to fight and where I'm surrounded by those people...

I just got really angry at everyone. Which sounds totally stupid.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

Hey, who doesn't have their days of feeling the urge for a little wholesale slaughter on random foes? Still, you should dial it back in the future. It's easier to pretend you're their definition of normal. Otherwise if something goes bad, you're going to make yourself look like a suspect.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

I can only sell that for a couple weeks. If even. Managed it when I first came, but... by the time I was in combat first? That was gone. I don't think I could convince people of it now if I tried. Burned those bridges.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

You know, I think I get what you mean. My new technique for fighting is drawing a lot of criticism.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

Where I'm from... you play nice for a week, then you fight. You never face any of them again. So it doesn't matter, once the fighting starts. You can be as vicious as you need to be. As long as you live.

Here... it's different. I wasn't expecting it, so I couldn't plan it and play it right.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

Yeeeah I think the whole coming back from the dead thing? It throws most people for a loop.

voice - private:

[shenevermisses]

And just... having to be with the people who've seen you fight. It's different than where I'm from. Probably too late for me to make them see me as anything else.

But... That's okay with me. I don't need them, not really.

voice - private:

[markofthewise]

You know, just to be up front, I really don't actually care either way. But you should probably know that the way you keep justifying yourself here? Kinda sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me.